We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
