All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
