i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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