Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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