Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
