I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
