He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
