Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
