Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
