4 words: hood of his car
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
