so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
