if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
