there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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