The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
