My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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