It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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