All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
