I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
