my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
