Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
