I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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