This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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