I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
