Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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