I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
