She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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