Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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