his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
