A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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