Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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