I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
