i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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