just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
