Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
