why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
