I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
