I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
