I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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