Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
