Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
