I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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