I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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