Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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