I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
