if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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