you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize