2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
