Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dicks are not precious.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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