She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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