Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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