Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
