Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
