Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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