i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
