I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
