things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
