I wish I only lived at night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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